How to deal with homesickness

A major worry for all parents is that their child will be homesick when they first go to summer camp - and how to deal with homesickness if it does happen.

The first thing to remember is that most children will get homesick - not usually on the first night, when they are likely to be too excited by all the new things they are encountering. Often this excitement carries them through the second night as well, but by the third night they realise that their bed is uncomfortable, they would rather have a hug from mom and dad than another giggly conversation with their room mates, and that they want some of their own space back and a good night's sleep in their own surroundings!

So it is on day 3 or 4 that you are likely to get that tearful phonecall or heartbreaking letter. And of course it is every parents' instinct to jump in the car and go and bring their baby home.

But is it the right thing to do? Will your child be over their homesickness by next week? Or will they suffer for the rest of camp?

Anybody who has ever suffered from homesickness will remember what a painful experience it is. Being homesick is not a vague feeling or misery - it is a REAL pain, felt high up in your stomach. This pain is so real that young children are likely to complain of having tummy ache or feeling poorly rather than homesickness.

Children who suffer homesickness just don't know what to do with themselves to get that pain to go away - especially if their other friends seem to be unaffected. And added to the misery of the homesickness, they may well be taunted by others for being a cry-baby or missing their mommy.

So, how do you deal with homesickness? I believe that the best way to do so is to prepare your child before they even go to camp. Warm them that they might feel homesick, and when. Talk them through how it feels. Give them some tactics to deal with it. Ultimately the best way to deal with homesickness is to go to sleep - everything will seem brighter in the morning, and the business of camp will distract your child from their misery. Here are some ideas:

• Make sure they take a cuddly toy or other familiar friend. Tell your child that if they feel homesick they should curl up in bed, cuddle their friend, shut their eyes, and try to sleep.
• Suggest that your child finds an adult to talk to. They will be expecting some children to be homesick and will hopefully be prepared to distract your child with a story, a bedtime drink, and even a cuddle to help them get to sleep.
• If your child is homesick they may find it very difficult to get to sleep. A little pyschology can help here. I sent my daughter on her first trip away with a small bottle of lavender spray (water with a few drops of lavender essential oil in an pump-action bottle). I told her to spray a few squirts around her pillow before she went to bed to make sure that she fell asleep quickly and easily.
• One mother I know swears by sugar pills. Her boys all suffered from homesickness and were also teased miserably because of it. She finally it upon the idea of packing them one tiny sugar pill for each night they were away. They were told to take the pill when they were getting changed for bed and that it would take away homesickness and help them get to sleep. It worked like magic. (Please be careful about this trick, though - make sure you let the officials know that you are only supplying sugar pills or you could get yourself and the kids in a lot of trouble!)
• Talk to your child about how you felt when you went to summer camp, and explain that homesickness usually last only for a few nights and that they will soon feel much better.

Of course, there are some children who are just not going to get over their homesickness and who will be miserable for their whole camping experience. They hate the noise, the lack of privacy, the intrusion on "their space", and being away from their own loving environment. These children will continue to beg you, over and over, to be brought home. They will cry, they will sob, and they may become hysterical - or they may retreat into themselves and become quiet and withdrawn.

How do you recognise when your child's homesickness is not going to be temporary? Generally, if homesickness lasts beyond the first week away, you should begin to worry. Speak to the camp officials and ask their opinion - most are trained to deal with homesickness these days and will be able to give you some insight into how your child is doing. If your child speaks or writes of nothing but their homesickness, you should also worry. Many kids will say they are homesick because they feel they ought to, but will then fill you up with details of all the other exciting things that they are doing, details of their friends, all their fun experiences. A truly homesick child will be overwhelmed by their homesickness, over tired through lack of sleep, and unable/unwilling to be enthusiastic about what is going on during the day.

Another thing that you may notice is that your child becomes antagonistic towards you. They feel that you are punishing them by sending them away, and reason that if you really loved them, you would bring them home. This is not a natural reaction for a young child, and should be regarded as a warning sign.

It is your job to recognise when your child is truly miserable and is not going to get over their homesickness, and to bring them home. If you insist that they stay at camp they will eventually get over their homesickness, but it will be at a terrible cost to your relationship and to their happiness.

Copyright Lindsay Small